Real love begins when nothing is expected in return. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Loving all the way to attachment and romance can often get you burned. It can leave you with a broken heart and afraid of ever loving again. It is not the love that is bad, but the attachment is what makes everything go wrong. So why don’t we start loving without attachment?
On the other hand, isn’t the attachment itself love? This delightful experience of putting your focus and attention on one particular person very often forgetting about ourselves. Attachment feels great until it is broken. The attachment is very often selfish. It is the cause of many great breakups and the muse for poetry writings.
In many cases, attachment gives love a bad name. This experience very often fools us that we can’t live without a specific someone we have known for not so much time and makes us feel responsible for making that person happy.
When it comes to love, everything is so simple. Loving is easy if you are truly feeling it. It has no ending goal, no purpose, and no object. Love is an experience in itself, and such sensation can be amazing if it doesn’t lead to attachment.
Preventing love to grow out in the attachment is not as easy as you might guess, but there are three steps and ways of how one can accomplish that. We should fly free in the feelings of love without ever worrying about the chains of attachment. It is just wrong.
1. Ask yourself — what it is that you are in love with?
If your answer is a particular object, a person or an experience, then this means you are already focused on the subject matter and not the flow — you are already attached to that specific thing. And this isn’t loving. You are attached to that particular object, and you are in need of it, and such attachment never goes well.
Love should be free of all attachments because attachment makes us prisoners, it makes us dependent.
2. Realize that love doesn’t have to be obsessive.
We don’t have to be together all the time or even living together. We don’t have to be dependent on each other. We need to be like wild horses running free and compare the love with that feeling. We shouldn’t express our love throughout attachment and consistently proving our devotion.
Love never has to prove anything or expect an outcome. Love should make us feel better, feel alive, crazy and ready for new adventures. Love should wipe all our sadness and make us forget all our concerns. Love should make us feel invincible, not fragile, as attachment does.
We need to enjoy the moment, not plan the future. It is only then when we start loving without attachment.
Stop focusing on the other person so much and worrying if you might lose them because you can’t imagine your life without them. Let go of the fear and the expectations. Live in the moment and enjoy.
3. Become aware of the imperfection.
Nobody is perfect, and you also, are not. You need to start loving the flaws the hurt and the broken hearts. You need to get away from attachment which is controlling and obsessive. You need to stop lecturing the others and stop pointing out their flaws and do’s or dont’s.
The only way you can cure yourself of attachment is to love. Understanding the genuine and clear meaning of love is going to be your savior. You need to be present and not focused on the future all the time. You need to start enjoying things and stop searching for the comfortable feeling of control.
To start loving without attachment, you need to love with the flow and never let attachment get to you. It is never good and as pure and beautiful as love is.
Love is the flow, attachment the stuckness.