With Valentine’s Day upon us, we all think of that special person in our lives. Some of us will celebrate by going out while others will just enjoy a quiet night at home. For some, they are still looking for the perfect “one.”
Introverts have some characteristics that keep us from being social butterflies. A few characteristics:
1. Introverts do not like big crowds.
We are quite happy just staying home.
Not huge partygoers. If we are obligated to go to the party, then we are the ones who are usually in another room away from the crowd. My specialty is spending time with the family pet.
We are happy to stay at home and cook a meal before ever wanting to go out to eat.
We introverts are the ones our friends are usually trying to drag out of the house more. Why? Because they feel that we spend too much time at home. No one could possibly be happy staying at home as much as we do. So not true.
Being introverted has its ups and downs. Us introverts tend to be a little less social, and we generally do not like to “date around.” Not the type of loving to go to parties, we do not meet a lot of people at once. But when we do find that one special person, then we are happy.
2. Dating and Introverts.
I will be the first to admit that I would get nervous before any date and think about canceling a thousand times. I would ask myself why I had even agreed to go on this date. The worst part of the actual date night was before the date and not on the actual date itself (in MOST cases).
As a dating introvert, I would always worry about what we would talk about. And the thought of actually having to start a conversation was terrifying. By the time the date began, I would be a total tense mess.
Introverts may not always be the easiest people to date. We are the type of people who have no problem letting others lead the conversations and do all of the talking. On some dates, the fact that we are good listeners can be a great thing. On other dates, the listening and not speaking enough can also lead to some pretty bad times. No introvert wants to sit and listen to some guy go back ten years in his life and give the story of the ex. Yes, we make good listeners, but it does not mean that we want to hear all about your past love history.
3. Admit we are Introverts.
The fact that we are quiet introverts can also be misleading to some people. If I am out on a date and not saying much then the person may not think that I am very interested in him. Although I really like this guy, he is thinking the opposite and may not ask me out again.
By being open to someone we like about being introverted, we can help others understand that our being quiet is just how we are. Because we are quiet does not mean that we are unhappy.
For the longest time when my boyfriend and I were dating, he would ask me what I was thinking. The reason he would do this is because I would go for long stretches of time without speaking. My boyfriend was the exact opposite of the fact that he is a very definite extrovert! Although I loved him very much, this guy can talk, and talk, and even talk some more. He was a great one to have around if I really had to go to a party that I didn’t want to.
By being open and honest with those we are dating it can save a whole lot of confusion. If you are dating someone who you really like, make sure you are upfront about being an introvert.
4. Loving with Introverts and Extroverts.
Introverts and extroverts can make great couples. The key to having a great relationship is knowing how each other thrives. The extrovert wants to be around a lot of other people while the introvert would rather not. When having to attend functions where there are many people the extrovert thrives. With the extrovert thriving at the party, the introvert can relax a bit and not worry about having to speak.
Just as the introvert knows the extrovert needs to be around people, the extrovert also has to know how the introvert thrives. Many extroverted partners know that their partners need solitude time. This is a partner that understands and respects the needs of the partner. The extrovert who is continually trying to drag the other partner out into crowded areas is not respecting the other’s needs.
As a couple, we are able to respect each other’s rights and not having to give up our own rights. By being upfront and honest with great communication, these relationships can last a lifetime. The way that many looks at these types of relationships is that the partners complement each other.
5. Introverts and Marriage.
Introverts can marry extroverts and have a very close and loving relationship. Both partners need to have some boundaries. As introverts, we will need our time away just to be alone. Extroverts will need to be around other people to recharge. The extrovert can feel that the introvert does not like to do anything with them at times. The key here is to make sure that the communication remains open and that both partners make their needs known.
With the extrovert/introvert relationship, it is best to set up agreements. Asking questions of the partner will help the other to understand what the other loves and loathes to do fully. If the extrovert wants to do something that consists of being in a large crowd an agreement can be made to ask a friend to attend rather than the introverted partner. This way, both of the partners can be happy, and the extrovert can share the experience with his/her partner upon returning home.
Are you an introvert or extrovert? There are a bunch of personality sites out there to test this. How do you set boundaries in your relationship?