To judge another human being is simply in our nature. We all judge when we meet someone for the first time. But do we know what we exactly judge?
A lot of people will say that we analyze how attractive someone is. While others think that we evaluate their fashion sense which shows their personality.
But according to Psychologist Amy Cuddy, both these beliefs are wrong.
In her book called “Presence”, she says that people have an immediate answer for these two questions when they first meet you.
Can I trust you?
Can I respect you?
The psychologist calls these “warmth and competence factors”, and of course, you want to perceive them both.
Occasionally we see people as incompetent and cold — foolish jerks — or as warm and competent — lovable stars. The latter is the golden quadrant because receiving trust and respect from other people allows you to interact well and get things done. — Amy Cuddy
In the book Cuddy says — It is more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust.
While most people assume competence as the most important factor, especially in a professional context, Cuddy says that actually trustworthiness is the most important factor, which makes sense according to evolution.
Competition is highly valued but it is analyzed only when the trust is stable.
You can feel it back if you are displaying in what you are good in front of your competence.
The MBA people are the perfect example of this. They are so into showing themselves as competent that they cancel social events or never ask people for help. They simply create the perception of “hard to talk to” people.
If whoever you are trying to influence does not trust you; you will not get very far. In fact, you can even elicit suspicion and be perceived as a “manipulator”.
A person who is totally worth trusting can establish your relationship just with few words. Your strength can become a gift rather than a treat.