It goes both ways actually. People grow when they have real love. And this real love is love without any agenda.
Real love is when two people love each other unconditionally and accept each other just as they truly are. Not just in the moment, but forever. These people not only accept each other’s flaws but they fall in love with them.
When two people truly love each other, they cannot help but develop into much better people. This kind of love comes without any ulterior motives.
In reality, almost all of us loved someone deeply and at the same time, we were expecting for that person to change in the future. Truth be told, this is not real love. This is just an illusion of one.
This is an act of selfishness—we expect for someone to change and become who we want them to be.
It sounds so wrong—the thought of us believe we have the power to throw and take back someone’s qualities or flaws. Like we are perfect and we don’t have any. And we do.
This is a very common thing because we have imagined particular someone in our heads. And it is practically impossible.
Or is it because we are too afraid or too weak to love someone as they truly are?
Instead of approaching a relationship with analyzing the partner and looking for flaws and what needs to be changed—what if we dive into them and let them. Let us grow with time and have an evolution together.
Maybe this is where the revolution starts—from ourselves. Maybe we need to start loving people the way that we want to be loved.
These relationships are the kind where there are no rules or conditions. A relationship where both of the partners will be inspired to grow and feel supported along the way. We need to put aside and forget our selfish egos and sometimes rely on our partners’ experiences and let them lead us. And fully trust them.
The same partner would be there for us and support equally. They wouldn’t ever push us to change—only help us become who we really aspire to be and grow together.
Such love will help us become more of what we really are.
Yet the love we most often experience is the one where the partner loves only certain parts of us and we become ok with it.
But until we feel the real freedom and peace in the arms of our partner, it is not real love. It is only when we are ready to stop sharing ourselves with people that don’t love us the way we deserve.
Accepting the other person in his complete wholeness is what real love is all about. And we should never settle for less.
It is not right to think that we can gain enough control over a person to smooth way their imperfections. It is a hypocritical thought when we are so flawed.
Those people that care for each other do not set conditions. They can take their partner for their real self, flaws and all, for the rest of their lives. They cannot help but love the imperfections of each other.
However, it is not as easy as it sounds because accepting one wholeness means accepting all their fears and demons. Accepting all of their darkness and wounds. Letting them know that they should feel free to expose their real self without being afraid of rejection. All of those things made them who they really are.
While every one of us is looking for the perfect person, we also need to think about whether we are just too scared to fall for another person as well as their real self. So, instead of trying to figure out what we can change about our partner, we just need to let ourselves fall in love.
We will realize that as the days pass, both of us will change with each other’s help. This change has to start at home. We can only expect to receive the kind of love which we give.
When we love each other unconditionally, that will inspire both of us to become the best version of ourselves.
Both of you know that you have each other’s backs at all times. All the changes will come from within. But we don’t always find this type of love. We need to begin with ourselves in order to discover it.
Many of us will never find such love but for the ones still hoping, there is a secret. The secret is to first start from ourselves. We need to decide and start believing that we are worthy of such love. We need to get in peace with the fact that none of us is perfect—understand that the only love that is real is the one that is honest and complete—only and only when one loves other’s flaws.
It is then when our spirit arises and we shine. It is when the stars align and two souls come together to grow throughout real love. And it is all worth it. All the breakups and all the tears.
Together we will grow, aspire and do great things. Together we will live with hope and happiness through life. We would try new things, line up new experiences and take adventures because this is the only life we have. We will never be perfect. But we can make each other feel perfect with love and appreciation.
Because we love our partners for who they are, we don’t expect them to change or be someone else. We want them to grow and we want us to grow together with them.
This is the only way one can experience real love.
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Image Credit: Angela Loenning