Something, nothing, what are we?

Something, nothing, what are we?

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@Ane Krstevska
what are we?

I believe we are something. But really — what are we?

Are we something that is real and great? Maybe something different. That’s why I let my guards down for you, why I stopped running and let you in.

That “something” had me believe that it was pure and honest. Maybe I got carried away because it was something completely new for me, or maybe I was just going crazy. I thought that “something” was the thing people write books and poems about.

However, that “something” was never as clear as I hoped it would be. Never was, and apparently never will be.

And me, I was always trying to fit in, and I always fought to find what it really was — but I lost myself in the process.

I looked in the term “friendship” hoping to find if this “something” is related to it. I actually searched this “something” in everything, just desperately hoping to find anything that would make this “ something “ for us.

Since I never found our “something” in friendship, I got my hopes even higher and looked for it in the term of “relationship.” This is the area where you build a romantic relation with someone — knowing, and feeling it is the one. I was confident this would be us, yet, it seemed so quiet — something was missing. Not just one thing, but many, many pieces were missing.

We were missing the real honesty, the unconditional love. We were missing the real touches of interest, of affection. The great intimacy and the lust for each other. But I think that most of all we miss the clarity of having a romantic relationship. That important step of cognition.

On the other hand, we were never just friends too. Our boundaries were a little pushed away from the simple and ordinary friendship. And that was what made it so unclear and confusing. Being honest, I was always thirsty for your touch and your desire. There were many times where you have crossed my mind and left me sleepless.

And there was that question again, ringing in my head, what are we?

So I got to a realization that, we were so insufficient for a romantic and loving relationship, yet so much more than just a friendship.

And I was carried away by the desire to be loved and touched, so I lost my perspective. I got a little more carried away and believed that this is it, you are the one — until you pushed me away. It was then when you got me stuck up in this “something” that I still wonder and try to figure out what it is.

The most difficult part is when you make me feel like we are something more and get me all high in hopes until you break me down soon enough.

It is now when I realize that this “something” of ours is more than a friendship but a lot less than a loving relationship. It is an “almost.” I guess I was a lot more for you to handle as a friend but not enough to be your partner. Is this the answer to my question: what are we?

I don’t like always being in between; I don’t like wondering what I am and how you feel about me.

So I ask you: what are we?

The day we met was kinda strange,

With a simple hey,

Fun filled the drain.

Things can fastly change.

An a friendship develops

Time spent here an there.

Throughout the days

Deep conversations

And random weird sayings

That Make no sense

But we laughed anyways

Helping out one another for no reason

Just keeping things going…

Meeting up becomes a daily,

Why this I have no clue,

But I wonder if you do… Is it right or is it wrong I dnt know what this will turn into…

That’s just something that Crosses my mind…

An keeps me guessing.

All the time…

Poem by Chelsey D Moore 

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